


Far From the Sun

by TeaRoses



Category: Jonathan Coulton - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 14:49:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaRoses/pseuds/TeaRoses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Addison has always felt just a little lost, until she meets someone who can tell her where she came from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [melannen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melannen/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based very loosely on the song "I Am Your Moon."

"Breathe in. Four. And now breathe out. Four."

Addison couldn't believe this. This was supposed to be an art club for people who didn't major in art. She liked to draw, so she had come here, only to find herself stuck doing a ridiculous relaxation exercise. She thought she had left all that behind in high school.

"Now, keep your eyes closed and picture yourself in your special place. It can be anything -- a forest, a beach, just a swirl of colors. Whatever is special and restful to you."

Addison didn't even have to think. She never did. Her special place was always the same, and it was always with her, in dreams and daydreams. When she was young she had tried asking her parents if they had their own place that their mind went to all the time, but they hadn't really understood and thought she only meant a fantasy. When she got older she stopped asking. People might think there was something wrong with her.

Her place wasn't a fantasy; it was much more real than that. And now she was there, and it was like the club meeting room wasn't there at all. Out in front of her stretched rock covered with gleaming ice. Everywhere she looked was a yellow-white, with yellow even permeating the air. She had seen pictures of Antarctica but they didn't look quite like this, a strange too-near horizon, with too much yellow, and darkness in the sky except for a sprinkling of stars with one bright one far outshining the rest.

Yet she felt that this was her home. In fact as she grew older she came to call mentally visiting this place "going home," though she never told anyone that either.

If she walked in any direction she was certain she would know what came next, every flaw in the icy surface, every valley, every part of this place. It must be cold, if there was ice everywhere, but she never felt cold here. She was always at peace, like this was an escape from the real world. Except sometimes she was certain this was the real world, and it was that other world of universities and clubs and loneliness that didn't exist.

Finally, on the horizon, she saw the white round edge of the moon. Her heart pounded as it always did when that strange moon showed itself in her special place. 

And as always, once she was there she didn't want to leave. But the leader was pulling everyone back into the exercise, telling them to open their eyes and draw their special place to share with everyone.

Addison stared at the paper. When she was younger she had constantly drawn pictures of the rock and ice, until teachers had told her she had to be more creative and draw something else. She still drew it, but kept the pictures to save for herself alone. And now she just told a lie, picked up some colored pencils and drew a forest and a clearing in it to show the club. The leader liked it and told her the way she drew leaves showed she had talent. She didn't care if she had talent -- she had only come to make friends. But if other days were going to be like today, she was going to have to try another club. Relaxation exercises were ridiculous.

She straightened her necktie as she walked across the campus. The sport jacket was a good look for her, at least. People did a double-take if and when they realized she was female. That always made her smile.

Tomorrow was a meeting of the LGBT support group. Maybe she would go to that again. But last time hadn't been so great. Just like in the one in high school, there was a lot of focus on the "L" and the "G" and not much on anything else in the alphabet. Sometimes she felt like a fake, having dated one girl and one guy in her entire life and never having picked out one gender to stick with. It seemed like everybody else did, why couldn't she? But that just wasn't how her mind worked, and she was going to have to live with it.

Sometimes when she just couldn't take it anymore she'd close her eyes and picture the ice and rock in their strange yellow glory, with the moon shining bright in the sky. That was always enough to make her keep going and try to forget the people who wanted to push her out of their groups.

Maybe she should form her own club, one for people who didn't fit in. Except then they might fit in, and it would be a little like Russell's paradox in set theory. That made her laugh, and she tried to forget about the failure of art club.

On the way home she passed the park and the small group of trees in it. She realized that this was the place she had drawn for the art club -- these trees that she visited often. No wonder she'd been good at drawing the leaves. It still wasn't her real special place, but she definitely knew it.

She walked over to the trees. Suddenly she felt strangely on edge, excited even. That made no sense though. It was just the park. The sky held its normal clouds and she could hear the occasional twittering bird as usual. Then she realized that the trees looked different. There was a yellow glow escaping through the leaves and trunks. Her heart pounded, not because of fear but because she knew this color. It was the same shade she saw in her mind, every time she went "home."

She reached the trees and pushed her way into the small clearing that sat in the middle. For a moment the air looked the way it had in the other place, in her visualization, but then it cleared and remained normal. Addison blinked. Everything looked as usual now -- except for the girl sitting against the tree trunk blinking back at her.

The girl had dark hair like Addison's, but long instead of short, and she was wearing a yellow dress that fell in waves around her calves. She smiled immediately when she saw Addison. "I'm here," she said.

Addison shook her head slightly. What was that supposed to mean? Was there something strange going on?

"Are you all right?" she asked finally.

The girl grinned widely. "I'm fine! I've landed. So to speak." Then she picked up a rock, put it to her mouth, and licked it. Addison stared, partly in shock and partly because there was something strangely sensual about her tongue on the rock.

What did she mean, landed? "What are you doing? Isn't that, um, dirty?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm just proving I've arrived." she replied. "Oh! I named myself. Celina. It's a little joke, of course."

Addison didn't laugh. But she walked forward, held out her hand, and said "I'm Addison."

"Of course!" Celina replied. Then she looked into Addison's eyes. Addison backed away slightly and she looked disappointed.

"May I ask you a question?" she said finally.

Addison waited for it. Celina was a little old for this stunt, but of course it would happen. "Are you a boy or a girl?" she would ask. And then Addison's answer, "A girl, mostly," which always confused the hell out of people.

But it seemed that wasn't what Celina wanted to know at all. She stood and touched Addison's shoulder. "Don't you remember me?" she asked.

"Remember you from where?" Addison asked. As far as she knew she had never seen this girl before. And she had said she had just arrived from somewhere else, hadn't she? Addison still wasn't frightened, but she was surprised, and nervous. What was going on?

"It's all right," Celina replied, as if she knew Addison needed reassurance. "Just meet me here again tomorrow. Maybe you'll remember more in the meantime."

It seemed foolish to agree, dangerous even, but how could a beautiful girl wearing a summer dress in the winter be a threat? Addison nodded. "I'll come here tomorrow at the same time," she said.

Celina nodded. "I'll be here," she said.

Addison walked home and went into her room. She had butterflies in her stomach. No, in her blood. She still didn't remember Celina from anywhere but she knew this was something important, not a stranger playing tricks.

Still contemplating everything, she went to the internet and looked up the name Celina. It meant "Moon." 

Addison shivered. There was something at the edge of her mind now, a thought or a memory. She was certainly seeing Celina tomorrow. Then she would know the answer, even if she hadn't figured out the question yet.


	2. Chapter 2

Addison dreamed that night of "home" but this time Celina stood on the ice smiling at her. She had never dreamed or thought of anyone but herself in her special place before. But Celina looked like she belonged exactly there.

When she woke up she still had a thought at the border of consciousness, but still couldn't identify it. She went through the motions in her classes, barely able to concentrate because all she could think of was Celina. When she got out of class she started walking as fast as she could toward the park. 

As she passed the shed behind the Engineering building, she heard a cat meowing frantically. Normally she would just pass that by, too. Stray cats were always lurking around the university buildings, and cats could occasionally sound dramatic for no good reason. But in the end she had to stop, and crouch down, and find the source of the sound. A cat was in the crawl space underneath the shed. It was peeking out through wire mesh and looked like maybe it couldn't get out.

"You got in; you can get out," said Addison reasonably, but of course the cat didn't reply. Addison began to run to find someone to help.

When she finally found a man in the school's maintenance uniform, she was panting.

"Cat... under the shed." She was worried he might not listen, but he did. 

"Wow, that little guy must have crawled under there when someone was using it," he said when he saw the cat. "Don't worry; I'll get him out."

Addison considered staying to make sure the cat was safe, but the man was already talking baby talk to it so she was pretty sure the cat would be fine. But she was already over half an hour late to meet Celina. She ran as fast as she could and burst into the small clearing, ready to shout an apology. But Celina wasn't there.

Addison sat down and wrapped her arms around her knees. She had screwed this up. Or maybe the whole thing had been some weird joke. But the vision of the yellow ice came back to her even as she thought it, and she knew it wasn't.

That night she had troubling dreams that she could not remember, and the next day she ran back at the right time to meet Celina, though she had no hope of seeing her.

But she was there, still in her yellow dress and still smiling. Addison thought she was the most beautiful person she had ever seen.

"I'm sorry I didn't come yesterday. I had something I had to do and I just... wow, you must think I'm horrible."

"I don't think that at all. It's just that I am a creature who travels to set places at set times, and as much as I wanted to wait for you, I couldn't. At least not yet."

Addison had no idea what she meant, and was afraid to even speak.

"Have you remembered?" Celina asked.

Addison shook her head and sat down at her feet. "I can't remember. You have to tell me."

"You weren't always named Addison," said Celina, sounding hesitant for the first time.

"Yes I was," she protested. Her name was one thing she had never changed, wasn't it?

"You weren't always on Earth," Celina continued.

Addison felt chills. "This has to do with my special place, doesn't it?" she asked.

"A place with ice and yellow," said Celina. "A place very far from the sun."

"Where is it really?"

"You really don't even know that? It's a planet." Then Celina paused. "A dwarf planet."

Addison remembered the news stories. "Pluto?" she asked. "I'm from Pluto, in another life or something?" That made sense. It resonated, even though she knew there couldn't be life there. But still she knew it wasn't the whole truth.

"You were Pluto in another life. And you still are, really."

"How can I be a planet?" she asked. "A... dwarf planet..." Yet she believed it, and the vision of ice rose in her mind again, filled her, became her.

"Pluto has a spirit that dwells within it. A consciousness. How could it be otherwise?"

Addison knew it now. She had never walked on Pluto, but she had never had to.

"Why would a consciousness leave?" she asked. "And who are you? I know I should know that, but..."

Celina took her hand and Addison stood up next her, trembling slightly.

"You wanted to be closer to the sun. You wanted life and to be surrounded by other minds, instead of so many miles away. You wanted to know what it was like in a place like this one, to walk and talk and celebrate. To be human."

"So I was reincarnated?" Addison asked. "I certainly didn't travel through space. I mean, I was born, and I had parents, and..."

"Reincarnation would be the best word for it."

"And what about you?"

"I arrived a slightly different way. I came here directly."

"In a ship?"

"No, of course not. I didn't need a ship. But I didn't need to be born, either. I simply arrived."

Suddenly it came clear to Addison, and she remembered the edge of the moon.

"Your name isn't Celina. Or it wasn't. It's Charon, isn't it?"

"Yes. But you can keep calling me Celina. It's a bit charming."

"But why did you follow me here?" Addison asked. "Did you want the sun, and life, and love and all of that?"

Celina shook her head. "I came here because you were here, and I couldn't stand to be apart from you for so long. You see, you did come here looking for life but you didn't lack love. Because I have always loved you."

Addison reached out and stroked her cheek. She moved closer and kissed her gently, a kiss that was their first yet also the millionth, and an embrace that had happened before people were born.

"Are you going to try to get me to go back?" Addison asked. "This place isn't perfect, but I don't want to leave."

"No. I just want to be here with you, and know the things you know." Celina answered.

"You can do that," said Addison. She didn't actually know how that worked, how to teach a moon to be a girl, or how to explain Celina to anyone else, but it didn't matter. They would figure it out.

"Is that why I don't fit in?" Addison asked. "Because I'm a planet and not a person? Or, wait, I'm not a planet either..."

"You are a planet and a star and a person and a lover. And none of it matters as long as you share it with me."

They kissed again, this time with a passion that made Addison remember the closeness of the sun. She knew where she belonged now, or at least who she belonged with, and if she wasn't really of the Earth she wouldn't let that bother her either.

She remembered one other thing she had read, that Charon was almost a planet itself, and Pluto and its moon orbited each other as well as the sun. They were equals, in their way. And she could remember that also, living in the emptiness, bound to the one who loved her, orbiting each other forever.

She held Celina close, and realized how perfectly they fit together. They began to dance, and it was a dance of small circles and true love, and Addison knew it would never have to end.


End file.
